I'm sorry...why exactly are you famous, again?

All opinions are mine alone, based on articles I've read, tv shows I've seen (ok, usually just previews) or even just one unfortunate picture on TMZ.

Call me old-fashioned, but I remember back when famous people were famous for some sort of athletic talent, acting ability or skill and not just because their daddy is rich and they can afford a $2500 Hermes bag for their miniscule bejeweled dog to poop in.

(insert first name here) Kardashian: Riding on the coattails of Bruce Jenner. No movies, no acting, just big boobs, way too much tanning and huge mysterious sunglasses that cost more than my first car.

Lady Gaga: Mediocre singing voice, but only after using thousands of dollars worth of sound equipment and countless hours of editing. The big gimmick here is a lot of wacky outfits and humongous hair bows. Sorry honey, but that look was invented by Nellie Olsen on Little House and I'd pick her over you to have my back in a bar fight. And who wears a black bra & panty set to a Yankees game???

Real Housewives of (insert trendy location here) : Um...where do I start? "Real" housewives? I'd bet my own mother that none of these women can tell you off the top of their head where the vacuum cleaner is, what day all the good coupons come in the mail or how to get a puke stain out of the carpet. To be fair though, I don't know where the best place is to get Botox or how to best reduce the lip swelling after a few collagen injections.

That's my rant for the day...

"Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things." ~George Carlin

May the grandfather be with you...

After dating for several years, Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart tied the knot on Tuesday in New Mexico. It was a small private ceremony conducted by the governor of NM. I was able to reach Mr. Ford by phone, and asked him about his feelings for Calista and why there was no church wedding. His comment was, "Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."

As for Calista, I took that girl out for a nice big cheeseburger.